Tuesday, March 30, 2010

My adventure in fairly poor service.

I was thoroughly spent after my attempts to be the very best waitress in the universe. I was exhausted from the strain of repeating 19 specials a dozen times a night, fed up with figuring out what the house wine of the day was, and just plain fed up with giving 100% to be rewarded with 20%. BAH!

My plan for recovery? Spend one blissful Friday night being a horrible server. Evidently I exaggerate because on my laziest day I still do a damn good job and nobody goes home hungry and crying. My actual plan was to read ZERO specials, give ZERO extra effort, tell NO funny stories and be rather... Beige. Watch out world, I thought brazenly to myself at 3:59 on a Friday afternoon, HERE comes mediocrity!

I did not disappoint. Instead of running bread to my tables I wandered over with it when I felt good and ready. If I felt the need to reapply chapstick or run to the ladies room I did so, regardless. I made up outrageous names for the house wines "tonight we have.... billowing ferns shiraz!" (to which one lady replied "I have had that before and it is wonderful!" PFFT!!) I didn't feel like finding a new tiramisu when one ran out so I simply omitted it from my list of dessert specials. I pretended that the cappuccino machine was broken (and luckily nobody else used it during this period of time!!)

By the end of the evening I had not broken a sweat and was in a blissful state of calm and relative relaxation. It was quite lovely and a very unusual feeling, to be honest.

And how did this little experiment work out for me? FREAKING FANTABULOUSLY!!!! I made a CRAP ton of cash- averaging 25% per table and really hitting the mother load on a 14 top who loved the new and improved me.
Sadly, being this much of a slacker on a regular basis would draw a fair amount of attention to me which I would like to avoid. So despite the fact that being a BIG slacker pays off big time I will have to avoid it as a rule.

A side note: unlike my last lazy experiment I was a diva superstar all night in the kitchen, running food, drying silverware, singing and dancing. All of my coworkers must have thought that I had been bitten by the helpful good employee bug... If they only knew...


  1. I've gotten huge tips from tables I was so-so with, and rotten tips from tables who proclaimed that I was "THE BEST SERVER EVER!!!"

    I think the huge tips were an effort to win me over, and make me like them. Just my theory.

  2. That's horrible that you were rewarded for below-average service! Although -- and I'm sure you know this -- you at the absolute bottom of your game still sound oodles better than most waitresses I run into.

  3. Waited on 2 couples in Hingham, Mass. who referred me to your blog. They repeatedly stated that waitressing was such hard work. Ironically, they left $27 on $186 check (exactly 15%), after sitting at the table for 2 and 1/2 hours and I thought the service was great!

    I am glad they shared your site...it's fabulous!

  4. Oh Anon... I'm trying to imaging who the couples might have been (I have an idea and am SHOCKED that they didn't give you a sweet 20%+ tip!!)
    My apologies. Perhaps they thought that my blog link was a "tip?!" (I kid- nothin' we hate more than "verbal tips!")
    Glad you enjoy reading along- I actually have a post in the works about how poor tipping costs us money at the end of the day.
    Thanks for commenting!

  5. Thanks MiddleAged Waitress...I owe you one!

  6. No problem Anon! Helping the world, one waitress at a time, ya know?