Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Coworkerdependancy: A situation where ones enjoyment of work (or lack thereof) is based on the proximity of ones favorite coworker and their ever ready wine key.

I am a hostile beast who tends to repel people in the same manner that raid discourages wasps from coming to visit. So I have no friends what so ever.

OK. Not entirely true! However, at Captain Rigatoni's House Of Pain the thought of actually developing a proper (not to mention pleasant) friendship with anyone is a bleak prospect. Make a friend? They get fired the next day. (or we have a very important meeting in which we are forbidden to make friends.) Get all chummy with somebody? And you walk in on them talking smack to Jan about your skills/looks/temperament. HEY-OH! Nice.

The absolute and unarguable situation at Capt Rigs is this: if you do not have somebody who has your freaking back- and who you can also share moments of eye rolling sarcasm with- then you will just curl up and die from despair and mental anguish.

I remember at all of my jobs having a good work friend. You find somebody who has similar geek-like qualities, no bad feelings about making fun of everyone who acts like an idiot and POOF the next thing you know you are speaking in your own secret language and scampering off to the walk in cooler to gossip like a couple of school girls.

I have to give MAD props to my HWF for becoming no doubt, hands freaking down my best work friend. THANK HEAVENS! I need to borrow a wine key? No prob. I need to borrow that wine key FIVE times in one night??! Pssssh, no problem again. Do we share mutual disdain for Jan, her Man Slave and most people including all of management? Hells YES. Have we managed to assist one another in the saving of what is left of our sanity so that we can go home at the end of the day like somewhat normal- well adjusted people?? Maybe?... (I kid. Definately.)

Friends are good to have. Completely underrated in today's society of questionable loyalty and bus throwing-under. Does it warm the insides of my bitter stone-cold heart to know that I have a BF there to give the side eye to when Captain Rig has an "I'm Great" meeting, or when Gina runs thru the dining room criticizing everything and everyone? (or when Captain Rig entertains an entire room of Republicans, all spewing their Republican views?) MmmmHmmmm.

I don't want to turn this into a sappy diatribe on the meaning of true friendship in a harsh, uncaring world of idiots. Well, maybe I want to but I'm not so good at wrapping my head/typing fingers around all that sappy junk (just ask the middleaged Huz!)

But really people, when one works in a place where insanity and hatred is the norm it makes you appreciate your friend/s just a tiny bit more. Or a crap ton more, if you are me.

So here's to you, HWF. Rock on with your bad self, and cheers to our shared hatred of all the BS and the folding of millions of napkins. Good job having my back when things get especially ridiculous and absurd (would that be everyday? YES.) And clearly, I have your back too... And finally thank you times a million for saving/helping my sanity, for enabling me to open many, many bottles of wine and for being a helluva good person.


  1. I know! My work friend is still working at my old job, and that is the only reason I have not had my revenge of calling OSHA and the licensure board and wreaking havoc on their asses.
    But she can't hold out forever, no, no one can, and when she leaves, Captain Steroid and his band of merry fucktards are MINE. Then they can see what it is like to find a job here in Florida, with the highest unemployment rate in the nation.

  2. Middleaged waitress... This is such a nice post and it cheered me right up on a gloomy day even though I don't know you. I can tell that even though you coat your words with a little bite of sarcasm that this is a friend who means a lot to you. People often forget about the little things that are so important, and a true friendship is something to hold on to and to be thankful for. Continue to have each others backs- and don't worry about "not being good at sappy stuff" you more than got your point across!

  3. I have been a lurker for a while. You know, this would have been a great time for you to let your guard down a bit and drop the little tone of attitude that you carry. I don't mean that in a bad way but- if you're going to write a post on the meaning of friendship why not be more genuine about it?
    I dunno. I guess it just left me a bit cold. Like your heart? (i'm being funny.)

  4. OH! I have a hater!
    Hey there anon, glad to see ya.
    That's one interesting comment that you left me. I so appriciate your critique, thanks from the bottom of my stone, cold heart.
    I guess that having a hater means that I am getting really famous! YAY me!

  5. OMG, I don't think this is cold at all! I think it is nice and would be very touched if somebody gave me such a nice interwebs shout out. Your friend is lucky to have a friend like you!

  6. I know you.... And know exactly how you mean this. You are a good friend to have and this rings true of your honest voice.

  7. I love the word coworkerdependancy. I plan to use that in my office... good post- I have you in my google reader but don't show up as a folower which is odd. keep up the goos work.