Thursday, April 15, 2010

Canadians. Wine-O-s. Singing Brooms? Ahh, a day in my life..

Dear Canadians. I am sure deep down inside you are all lovely people. BUT! (and before I offend all of y'alls- I am NOT racist about anyone. There just happen to be a group of people out there who waitresses really dread and sadly, our friends from the North fall into this category. So no hate for the middleaged waitress, ok?) I have posted about them and their never ending shenanigans and terrible tipping skills before and my feelings (and their behavior) has not changed.
I'm sure that all of you Canadians are very nice people, and I know that you play a good game of hockey. But please learn to behave and tip!

I had a very long night of Canadian-itis recently. Table after table of $150+ check totals and $8 tips had me crying in my soup. Or cursing rather loudly and threatening to shoot myself in both feet so that I could just go home, damnit!
One table in particular had me gnashing my teeth and reminding myself to shut my fricking mouth... They ran me ragged... Their children were demanding and petulant and they refused to speak English except to boss me around. (and they could speak English. It was annoying.)

At the same time in the adjacent table I had a 2-top who were clearly from the Very Big City that is known to produce A-Holes. No offence. However, these two decided to break the stereotype and start off with full blown fabulocity. Perhaps it was because I had the table of truly offensive northerners that made them seem rather tolerable- but this 2-top started out full of promise. they ordered wine (had to get the HWF's wine key, obviously) They ordered apps and warned me that they were going to have a nice, leisurely meal. This sounded like an ideal plan because not only was it early and I had to be there- so I might as well be busy- but my Rude table was keeping me so busy that I had me big old hands pretty darn full.

By the time that the Rude table was ready to get a move on the Man in the friendly 2-top had drank his way right thru the bottle of wine. Needless to say, things at their table were starting to take a turn for the worse- or at least a turn for the strange.

As the Rude table left they demanded to see their bill again to "check the breakdown.. because it seemed really HIGH." Ok, no problem, here you go DOUCHEBAG! They studied the bill with a microscope and found it to be correct, much to their dismay. Since it was my fault that they ate and drank so much they punished me with a four cent tip and got the frick out.

After they left Mister wine-o had lots to say about them. "Soooo" he drawled rather tipsily "they think that their shit don't stink, now don't they?" Not wanting to spark some sort of insane debate, or to appear rude I just laughed them off. But he persisted "Tell us what you really thought of them, because we thought that they were first class assholes." "Well." I said tactfully "They were a bit needy but it isn't something that I haven't dealt with 100 times before...." This was not a good enough answer and he persisted in pestering me to spill my real feelings on the matter. (which I would not do. but I did get him to order more wine, knowing that his wife was DDing his drunkass home.)

Much time had elapsed at this point and they were my only table left so, much to my chagrin, I had very little excuse to hide from them. More fine had further loosened Mr. Wine-o's tongue and he prattled on endlessly. (this is why I hated bartending and never wish to do it again- escape is challenging. and at a table like this- you are suddenly the bartender, therapist and best friend EVER!) As they prepared to take their leave I was asked one more question "In the Disney movie with the lion and the princess, is there a singing broom?" Lion. Princess. Singing Broom? WTF? Thinking hard I said "Beauty and the Beast you mean? Are you thinking of the singing candelabra?" He was not convinced and spent 10 lawyerly minutes asking me if I had reasonable doubt that there was NOT a singing broom in Beauty and the Beast. The whole situation unnerved me a bit and I started second guessing myself and could not say with 100% certainty that there was no damn stupid singing BROOM! (anybody? have the answer?)

In the end all the ridonculocity paid off because they left me a gargantuan tip- but it was all around odd.
And I'd love to know if there is a singing broom in the movie about the lion and the princess....


  1. Okay so I am a Canadian and can totally explain some of these things to you.

    1. The tipping system here is less because servers make a decent enough wage to survive on to begin with. The tips are just extra (usually) and the amount of money we give has less of an effect on the server's ability to survive than it does in the USA. I had no idea at all about the terrible pay you guys receive until last year when I made a friend from down south who was a waitress. SHe gave it to me straight. It sucks, but because our cultures are so similar, I guess a lot of people (myself included) don't bother to check the tipping customs when we cross that border to the south.

    2. The not speaking English thing - I'm assuming they're French Canadians's actually a highly politicized to choose one language over another, and there are also many people from the East or the Northern prairies only know English as a second language. If they were speaking to each other in French, it might not have been that they were trying to talk about you behind your back, it could be that it's the language they're most comfortable with (and it's fairly common for Canadians to be able to speak both languages, so it's not considered rude).

    Hope this kind of puts some behaviors in perspective a bit.

    Or maybe they were just a bunch of cheap rude assholes. Who knows?

  2. Woops, I meant 'highly politicized choice'

  3. ugh, and "Northern Prairies WHO..."
    Wow, I should step away from the computer, haha.

  4. Alas, you have overlooked my all important question... That of the singing broom!

    You have made valid points. And honestly, this table was one full of asshats, which I find to be a common problem for people of many cultures and nationalities. (especially some of our fine Americans, believe ME!)

    However, asshatry can be overlooked when a reasonable tip is left. Actually, a lot can be forgiven in the face of a stack o' twenties!

    Like I said: no offence to our friends from the Great Wideopen North. I would, however, like to send a public service announcement to them regarding our tipping policies. I feel that I would be doing my part for World Peace and democracy!!

  5. Wow, and you always hear that the stereotypical Canadian is ridiculously nice and polite to a fault.

    Singing broom? I can only think of Lumiere the candelabra, like you.

  6. kinda like Sadako's face

  7. I've been a server for 15+ years and I completely agree that while forigners (I'm being intentionally vague) are lovely people they tip terribly. I think that the MAW did a fine and non offensive job talking about this.

  8. I don't remember a broom, but there was the feather duster named Babette. She looks a lot like a broom.